Near Death Experiences and Keeping It Real

Lots of crazy stuff happened since I last wrote. CRAZY funny stuff.


Friday afternoon, Claire and I went to the zoo. We were watching this male lion pacing back and forth and noticed his anatomical junk was aimed right at us only seconds before he marked his territory on our faces. I am so not joking. Yech.


After that fun little excursion, I went to Borders to look at this book I’m currently reading. While in the “L” section of “Christian – Inspirational,” I noticed a Max Lucado book out of place. I picked up the book and found a copy of “Best of Female Erotica” slipped stealthily inside. I laughed and thought to myself, “Woah, somebody’s mama has no idea her little girl was catching up on wild tales of whips and chains, rather than fuzzy bunny thoughts from Max. Poor Max.”


Then I prepared to go work at Starbucks, only to be held up by a traffic jam that would not even allow me to walk across the street. A local Hispanic church had police escorts guiding them down Meridian Street (our main thoroughfare) as they beat Jesus with plastic whips and swords as he dragged his cross. I know what they were going for – the whole Passion of the Christ shock factor and tears, etc. but I couldn’t help but giggle  at the absurdity of this group as they wailed and cried in costume, smacking the cross to elicit loud noises without actually hurting the Jesus-actor.  Not to mention that all the people waiting in rush hour traffic were not to moved to become believers.


Worked Starbucks until 12:30 a.m. … we had to evacuate all our customers into the main arena because of the tornadoes and flash floods going on right outside our huge plate-glass windows. The Pacers played on (and won!). Security told us to close, so we dumped out all the coffee, then they told us to open back up, and we had 100 very annoyed people show up almost immediately at our counters, wondering why we didn’t have coffee ready. Grrr.


Saturday, I found a great shower curtain and matching bathmat on sale (50% off!) at World Market, so I got inspired to paint my bathroom. While painting, I decided to prop a stool on top of my toilet so I could reach the high places… only to come crashing down, spilling the entire can of paint upside down on the toilet and all over the floor, while also breaking the toilet paper dispenser and giving myself multiple black bruises and scrapes. I guess I should feel lucky for not breaking my neck with such a stunt, but I’m more mad that I lost the whole can of paint with only a half-painted bathroom.


Yesterday was a Happy Easter as I went to Claire’s parents house with her and Regan. Good times ensued and amazing food was consumed. I was quiet through most of the afternoon and then let all my pent-up talking fly from my mouth on the drive home, annoying myself probably almost as much as my carmates. Ah well – what are friends for?


Now people are finding eggs around the office (probably all the ones in Starbucks have been uncovered) and normalcy is returning. This week will be a good one – I hire my interns, I work one night at Starbucks, and then on to Nashville for another film festival.


Quote of the weekend: Regan – “It should be called Feaster.”

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16 thoughts on “Near Death Experiences and Keeping It Real

  1. I don’t even know where to begin…that is HANDS DOWN the craziest weekend in all of Koopman history.
    Did Mom tell you I had a Timmer experience?  Rosie’s dad and brother Joe visiting the Grove?

  2. The lion incident sounds gross. Just be glad it didn’t try to pounce on you. I was watching a male lion at a zoo through some glass once, and one did just that. Tried to anyway, and though he only succeeded in bumping his head against the plexiglass it scared the little 8 year old me out of my mind.
    You reminded me. I need to paint my room. It’s a pastel shade of pink (ick).
    ~the Aut~

  3. Oh, that great new fragrance — eau de lionpee!  Hey, and didn’t you know you’re supposed to bat your eyes to some dude to get him to come paint your bathroom?!  And…Lowe’s sells these really neat devices that you can climb on to get to the top of your bathroom walls to paint — they’re called LADDERS!  You might want to invest in one, considering your state of vertically challengedness.

  4. Wow.  That’s really all I can say.  I’m impressed.  I can’t help but worry a little about your toilet.  (I can’t say I’ve ever typed/said that one before.)  Re: the Jesus thing, there are some sects in Christianity (I’m thinking hispanic, but maybe also mid-eastern) that literally crucify men to crosses as part of the easter *celebration*.  It’s something about extreme piety, and apparently it’s a great honor to be chosen.  They don’t let the men die, but there’s real flagellation, etc.  Reminds me of your little parade.  Hopefully it truly was drama and not some twisted hyper-pietistic display.

  5. Well, my sis was the one to say he looked like a starving child, not me. I actually disagreed with her, but I just thought what she did with the pic was really funny . I giggle every time I turn on the p.c. now, because my sis set it as the background, haha.
    ~Aut~

  6. A) I love that movie because it is so bad but so pretty.  My sister was traumatized when I made her watch it.
    B) I did NOT know about that restaurant and now I am totally going to have to go – that is amazing.

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