Pathetic Desperation Published

I ran into my old AU friend, Scuba Steve, at work last night and he mentioned I’m now “famous” because I’ve gotten a mention in our alumni magazine. When I went home and read my copy, I was a bit horrified to see that I practically sound like I’m advertising for a husband.

Maryann Koopman BA ’04 has been film and research coordinator…blah blah blah…also a part-time barista….blah blah blah…involved at East 91st Christian Church…blah blah blah…(here’s where it gets good) She lives alone in a small Art Deco apartment in downtown Indy. She writes, “I currently spend so much time helping all my other AU friends get married, I have not had the time to find a spouse of my own!”

Oh, dear. Did I really write that? Surely it was in jest. I think I was mocking the fact that most people who write in their updates only tell about who they married and how many kids they have. I didn’t really think that they’d print it for the world to see! Ha ha on me.


When I was walking back to my car last night after Starbucks, I ended up giving all my tips to a disabled war vet. Sometimes I wish I was Jesus and I could just say, “Man, pick up your wheelchair and walk!” and keep my money. That sounds pretty selfish, I know.


I want to add a skagen watch to my list of improbable birthday presents. I haven’t worn a watch in years because the metal irritates my skin, but skagens have anti-allergy metal backs. Plus they look cool.


When I was heading into the gym the other day, I had to yank at the back of my underwear and a whole truckload of no-good Indiana white boys yelled and cheered. Last night at Starbucks I also had a momentary panty-yank and Casey announced it to the entire line of customers. Geez, guys, can’t a girl adjust her undies in peace? What is the big deal? Men adjust other things in public all the time.


8 thoughts on “Pathetic Desperation Published

  1. I read your thing in the AU Alum mag. & didn’t get that impression.  And…sounds like you got them Indian underwear — they keep creepin’ up on you!  HaHa.  That was funny.  Maybe they’re too big for your booty.

  2. well, I was going to say the undie adjusting is WHY you’re living alone in your small Art Deco apartment…but Heidi kind of destroyed that argument. yeah…just get a thong.

  3. hipster boy briefs don’t ride up.  it’s either that or a thong.  i can’t remember the last time i had to adjust.  people don’t like to have a nurse who picks at their butt.

  4. Here’s what I’m saying…next time you DO see a man adjusting things, make THAT public notice. There’s no reason only girls should be ‘recognized’ when picking or adjusting. It would be a great challenge of the norm. THAT would be hilarious to me.I’m pretty sure Scuba Steve is one person I think about a lot. I haven’t heard from him in years.

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