I am so tired.
I’ve been sitting here for the last 10 minutes, staring at a blank screen, my arms frozen at my sides because I just didn’t think I could move for tiredness.
Maybe it’s this nasty cold I’m still fighting, or the run of horrendous bad weather we’ve had over the last few weeks, or maybe because the days are getting shorter and darker, but I’d wager it’s the upcoming holidays more than anything.
I love Christmas so much. There are so many memories I treasure of the holiday – painting sugar cookies with my sisters; unearthing the treasured antique ornaments for the tree that have been handed down for generations; watching Alastair Sim in the 1951 “Scrooge” with my dad as he repeats all the lines back to the TV; delighting over a new doll or a set of books; eating my grandma’s Black Forest Cake or Christmas Stollen and drinking eggnog out of her little pewter goblets; playing crackly old Christmas records; taking a walk with my Uncle Dick in the crisp cold and smelling the toasty scent of his pipe; The Christmas Stroll in Bozeman and the Lighting of the Circle in Indianapolis; arriving in Dublin airport where I was greeted by giant papier mache Christmas puddings on the baggage claims… and then my first Christmas with Frank… 🙂
I could go on and on… and I’m sure you have similar special traditions and recollections unique to your family and friends! (What are they? Do tell!)
However, I’m older now, a whopping 28 years going on 82, and I am more easily distracted from the magic of it all. Christmas, I’m sorry to say, has a way of getting on top of me, now that I’m grown up. I guess it’s the fact that I’m working now, and trying to keep up with laundry and dishes and big fat bills, and yet I have so many things I really really WANT to be doing! So I find myself mixing obscene amounts of sugar and butter in a pot at 11 p.m. to make sub-par fudge that annoys me all the next day. It’s Christmas! I want to be merry and having fun and singing as I trim the tree and hang the stockings and bake the cookies!
And then I remember how stressed out my mom would get sometimes during the holidays, trying to wrangle four over-excited kids, an equally excited husband/father, do all the Christmasy stuff and still keep her sanity! What a woman.
I really don’t want to get stressed. I hate hearing that Christmas stresses people out and I’ve already met more than one bonafied Scrooge coming into the coffee shop! I know in my heart of hearts that Christmas means so much more than presents or food… and that is why I love it so much. That is why I want it to be perfect.
But it won’t be. And it will be.
We’re still 10 days away, and Evelyn’s birthday is inbetween. We’ve got a warm house full of love and laughter and yes, even a tree and some presents.
“But what about the…????”
*Hum a little Greensleeves*
“But I still need to get…and wrap…and…”
*Stir a candy cane into your hot chocolate*
“How will I ever find the time to finish…???”
*Picture Jim Henson’s “The Christmas Toy”*
*Recite ‘The Night Before Christmas’ to Evelyn and watch her eyes dance.*
“OK…. OK, you’re right. (I’m talking to my better sense.) It’s not that important. It will be fun and wonderful no matter what. No one will miss the Russian Teacakes.”
I think the best thing for me to do now is go to bed, rest, dream, and see what I get up to tomorrow when all is said and done. That’s all I can do. And that’s all I need to do. Christmas is a thing of beauty – who am I to spoil it with a senseless panic attack? 🙂
Until next week, Happy Christmast!