Yesterday, I got to take a nice, long wander of some of my favourite Dublin shops. I was being awfully good, not buying anything frivilous and just enjoying the time to myself as I admired things… and then, I stepped into Avoca and I fell in love.
The design is a new one from Pip (Passionate Inspirational Products) of Amsterdam. They are smaller than a normal mug and, at €10 each, were a bit of a splurge, especially when and I can’t put them in the microwave or dishwasher (not that we have one!). They’re really too nice to use every day – I’ll probably put them at the back of the shelf and take them out once in a while to admire and fill with strong, dark coffee.
So why did I buy them? Why did I break!? I don’t know – looking at them made me happy and I had to bring them home to stay.
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It’s been a lovely weekend – sunny, warm, trees and flowers blooming everywhere. I’ve mopped our floors twice this afternoon so Evelyn can get back to the creep-crawling she does best and I can sit back for a minute without having to change her socks and pants constantly because of the dirt! Ah, Spring!
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For the most part, I try to be pretty positive when I’m writing this blog. It’s meant to be an enjoyable read about Ireland and my quirky life here, and we all have troubles of our own, so who wants to read about mine?
That said… it’s been a struggle for me, lately.
I am soooo blessed. I really truly am, and I try not to take that for granted. But the hard work, the “slog” of it all, has been getting me down.
In some ways, I feel like I’ve failed since I’ve come here. It’s been over three years, and what have I to show? I never got the work I wanted, and while I would never say anything bad about my current employers because they’re lovely, I don’t want to work at a coffee shop until I’m 70. And now there’s Evelyn – how well am I providing for her? We still have no car, and this old house we’re renting sometimes feels like it’s falling down around our ears. Money is just so stinking tight.
Like I need to be buying two pricey little lovebird mugs, eh??
I just feel like I’m holding on, hoping, praying… and nothing is changing. Maybe it’s my own fault, maybe I need to try harder to improve my circumstances. After all, I don’t need to be a millionare or a famous socialite – I just want some freedom to live one or two rungs higher on this insane ladder we call life. But to be honest, I’m tired. I’m tired. I feel like I should give up, just settle for what I have and learn to be happy with it. We’re a healthy little family who all love and care for each other, isn’t that the dream? Isn’t that enough?
But I still want more.
And I wish I knew what to do.